At The End Of A Pretend Love Affair

< LoveHater SlowJam MixTape

We all have that one person who we think is our soulmate (if an unrequited lover could even be a candidate). He's the one you think about when you try to date someone else. He's the one that ruins it for that next guy. The one you just can't get over...over and over and over.

I have mine, just as I'm sure you do, 'cept mine is a little different
[Audience: Yeah, sure, whatever you say]
We haven't actually dated, really, but we've realized our physical attractions.
[Audience: What the hell did he say?]
We hunched. But that comes much later.

Like most men, especially the BLACK GAYS, my UNREQUITED LOVER is extremely self-conscious, which is why we never properly dated. He just couldn't take the pressures that came with dating. Was he smart enuf [certainly.], cute enuf [hells yeah], endowed enuf [for me!], buffed enuf [plenty.] Oh, and then there were those pesky emotions making everything all icky. That's what really took my URL over the edge and away from my heart.

For the past five years I have had my URL in my corner as a very dear and devoted friend. I've always felt that he had something for me, since every so often he would strongly allude to us doing the horizontal tango. However, he'd always back out when I'd agree, claiming he didn't want to "ruin the friendship". What he didn't know was that we were already platonic boyfriends, so why not take it to the max?

We've had our ups and downs, even some ins and outs, but this time I fear he's gone for good. After our hunch (it was lovely, btw) I decided, I'd finally received acknowledgment of his feelings. He was quite starry-eyed during the do, but let me know a hunch did not a relationship, make. So it was time to move on. And I did, still open to any leap of faith on his part.

I'm thinking I may have moved on a bit too far, because now, it seems my URL does not want to even be my platonic boyfriend anymore! When I called him on his absence I was told that it was merely a normal lapse in communication. I sent him a card for his birthday-a real one, not some funky e-cards. Still, nothing. We haven't communicated since...damn, July! Should I call him? Should I put an end to this madness?

What do you think I should do.