The LoveHater

Get With The Program! UPDATE YO' ISH!

2004-12-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't seen many of you at the new spot! If you haven't changed your blogline alert thingies yet, be sure to set them to WWW.THELOVEHATER.COM! I got all kindsa new stuff over there including the LoveHater SloJam MixTape Radioblog! Come check it out and leave me some love!

--TLH

Hater No More....

2004-12-22T10:07:00.000-05:00

This will be the last post for TheLoveHater.blogspot.com.

No more funny anecdotes

No more top ten lists

No more love hatin'...

...over here!

THAT'S RIGHT! MY CUSTOM DOMAIN IS DONE!

COME SEE ME AT THELOVEHATER.COM

Come experience The LoveHater SlowJam MixTape RadioBlog!

This site will still be up for all eternity, but I've copied all of my entries to the new spot, however comments will still be here. So come on over, pull up a comfy computer chair and dig in the hate!

--The LoveHater

*special thanks to jbrotherlove and ThePrimeOne

Broken Links or URL No More

2004-12-21T15:32:00.000-05:00

Despite unanimous advice, I went ahead and called my UnRequited Lover. I was a bit vague in my former post about him but here's the skinny:

I was getting UnRequited Lover's assistance on a screenplay. We disagreed on some things but it was playful, so I thought. He acts, but I expressed desire to cast another actor who he knows I am enamored with and actually met once. URL bashed my casting choice and implied my actor was not an bonafide thesbian. I sent him an email with the actor's CV and said "Bonafide This!" Now, mind you, this "film" has not been optioned. It was just for me.

Although URL claimed to be looking forward to reading the final draft before the exchange above, I heard nothing from him after sending it. The only mention was in some bullshit e-card two weeks later saying "Happy Birthday and good luck with the project" read: get the fuck out my face with this $#!+, I'm done with you! And that he was.

Being an adult, I inquired if we were okay, to which he claimed that we were just having a "regular lapse in communication." [If you ever hear these words and are in immediate proximity, I suggest you kindly slap the speaker in the mug...for me!] Days later I found out through ClayStarr that an indie film was being premiered in DC. You guessed it, starring my UnRequited Lover!

Seems that "lapse" was only applied to me since I saw his other friends at the premier [you damn right, I went!]. He called me the next day but left no message. That could have very well been him taking me off of speed dial and not an actual call so, I didn't call back. The "lapse" grew to five months, and mind you, I sent him a postcard from the Caribbean, and a heartfelt birthday card, crying out for our friendship to continue [I didn't write it, Hallmark did] and still, nada!

So I call the fool cus I'm not trying to go into a new year thinking we're still good friends. He calls back and my URL acts like there was nothing wrong. I throw out scenarios [all except him being jealous of the actor] and he denies them. So now he wants to go to dinner before the holidays. We'll see about that.

After all we've been through as friends, confidants, and pseudo lovers, this punk had the nerve to tell me he thought to call me but just didn't, and that he didn't email because he's done with that form of communication since it's too impersonal and many times things in it are taken the wrong way. I told him "I can attest to that."

Guess Who Didn't Come After Dinner?

2004-12-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

Me, that's who.
But you know it's quite all right.

YungStuff and I finally had that dinner, albeit 6 months later. It was okay but I was a bit annoyed. First he was late and I had to wait for him. Not cute. I'm ~~punctual~~ a Cancer. Oh, wait, so is he...but he was born in June [sorry Prime!]. He picked a swank Georgetown restaurant--no, it picked him. He won an $100 free dinner at his old job waiting tables last summer. Still, we were aware of the suggested dress. Why'd this fool wear a short sleeve tight pullover read: T-shirt? And let's not forget, IT'S WINTER. He wanted to save his good shirt for the club.

Word to the Wise: NEVER GO OUT TO A RESTAURANT WITH SOMEONE WHO USED TO WORK IN A RESTAURANT.
I could have sworn we were there to write a review rather than to enjoy each others company. I found myself purposely leading the conversation by asking him about other things.

Another thing was YungStuff's habit of saying whatever comes to mind no matter who is around. He will talk about white people around white people. He's got that militant grad school student I don't care thing going on. Mind you, when we were dating I had to stop him from using Miss Clairol products in his afro.

The night before was much better. I met YungStuff & the PussyKatz, his fabulously faggy friends, over at the Fireplace. I was a little tipsy as well but I know when to stop. The PussyKatz, on the other hand were wilding out, taking off their clothes, and no, Virginia, it was not shirtless free drink night. YungStuff loves them because he thinks that's "fun."

Oh yeah, I did say this night was "better" didn't I? Well it was because YungStuff and I talked about old times, playfully bickered about who dumped whom [he, me], we hugged a lot and I got a few kisses in there. It felt so good to be close to a human again, but after all of those reminders of how much more maturing he has to do, I was turned off.

So, no hit. The drought continues.

Attractions In Disguise

2004-12-16T07:59:00.000-05:00

DC is a funny place.

The BLACK GAYS are a funny breed.

There's this brother here, Golddigger. He is the prototype, however, The LoveHater pockets may be too shallow, or he too shallow for The LoveHater. One of'm.

For a moment last summer Golddigger and I seemed to be on the same schedule. We'd both hit Gallery Place/Chinatown on the Red Line at same time on several occassions, and each time he would avoid my eyes, sit far away, you know the drill, pay me nooch.

Now, there is a reason for this. Golddigger and I met briefly during DC Black Pride last May, and every BLACK GAY knows that you don't acknowledge other BLACK GAYS you don't know very well in the general public. That would be too much like community! I suppose the fear is they might have a bitch fit and spill your tea. Who knows...

Anyway, the other day I was at the same station and saw a guy in a security uniform and cap. We locked eyes, and there was this longing in our look that said "I've had a hard day and just wanted to lay in your arms." We tried to disengage our stare to avoid potential beatdown but when that 2 second grace period had expired, we knew we were ~~fair game~~ family.

I was looking rather unlike myself [thuggish] with low stubble and the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, allowing my eyes to peek out mysteriously. Perhaps it was the obstruction of my vision, or the uniform, that threw me off, but my potential bodyguard was none other than Golddigger. Funny, before I was uncruiseable, but that day I was all the rage.

How ya like me now, son!?

YungStuff Stuff

2004-12-16T01:28:00.000-05:00

I'm know you all have been counting down the days until the proposed dinner date between YungStuff and I. Well he has confirmed that we are still on but get this; he and that new boy are on the outs! He said this friend turned lover has been an A$$hole since they professed their love for one another over the Thanksgiving Holiday and he is completely miserable.

Seems as if this "great guy" wanted to do the do, but when YungStuff refused GreatGuy went AWOL.

Why did YungStuff ask me today, "So are you seeing anybody?" waaaay into the conversation.

Why did YungStuff say, "I hate it here, I want to come back to DC." when he was hating DC when he was here, and couldn't wait to leave.

He also went on to say several times "I just want to be married!"

I just wanna hit it.

Well Run Dry

2004-12-13T23:10:00.000-05:00

Since before my last post, last Sunday to be exact. I have been thinking of no other than my long lost EbonyLocks, so without a doubt I would be back at the scene of the crime. I returned to the Fireplace last night and early this time. I was on the 8 o'clock shift. I saw some buddies and hung with them for a minute, but after two hours, E-Locks did not show. Since there were no other hollerable guys there I left.

I spent an hour at the local "mixed" club, Lizzard Lounge but neither the BLACKS or the WHITES were using it last night so back to the Fireplace to catch the 11pm shift.

Much to my surprise I see two familiar faces there. You may have seen them too, but only from the waist up and neck down. Yes, these were two of my first Adam4Adam dates. The first was ThugMBA,

PROFILE: THUGMBA
BACKGROUND: A Kentucky native who somehow sounds like he's straight outta Brooklyn. Finishing up his MBA at Howard.
CLAIM TO FAME: Called daily but could not get it together to go out in person. Repeatedly falls asleep come time to meet then would suggest I come over to his place instead. [I'm not falling for that one, buster!]
LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS: While in the city I called him to meet. He said he would call me when he left the barbeque he was attending. He didn't call until two weeks later.
CURRENT STATUS: I did not call him back.

Needless to say, there was no head nod exchange between us. I also saw MonkeyMan. The name says it all, but you know, he was like a human Curious George! A real happy go lucky guy, great body [all that tree climbing no doubt] and I thought he was cute! I would have to get to the bottom of a few things, tho...

PROFILE: MONKEYMAN
BACKGROUND: Jamaican born ex-military Maryland resident
CLAIM TO FAME: Frequent chats, occassionaly phone call, one meeting. Was discharged from the military for undisclosed medical situation.
LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS: Pinned him down online about whether we were actually talking or not. He finally told me after a month he'd been trying to wear down some kid who was not versatile, as he would prefer, and wanted to see where that was going. [nowhere fast, dude]
CURRENT STATUS: I did not call him back.

I was going to say hello to MM but as I passed by him and thought about all the bullshit, it suddenly occured to me, "Man, he looks like a damn monkey!"

E-Locks, where are you!?

You Never Miss Your Water

2004-12-08T16:28:00.000-05:00

I was out at the Fireplace last Sunday, my "favorite" DC bar and saw a brother I've seen there on several occassions. He's about 6", medium dark, locks to his shoulders, about 220lbs, nice build. I've been meaning to holla but something always gets in the way. Once it was because I was out with my boy from out of town. I work better alone. Another time it was because there was another dude there I decided to holla at. He ended up being from out of town and it's not cute to go around the room from one holla to the next. I think he was there when Pretentious Grad School Student and I dipped in there for a second, but again, another caught my eye. It's always something.

Well this time EbonyLocks was the belle of the ball. It was all about him. I was on the opposite end of the room sipping Carona with the Fellas performing my usual PSO [Preliminary Scope Out] You can't just speak to anyone without proper observation. You need to see who he knows, that way you may get an introduction instead of going in cold.

What I noticed for the first time was that I've never seen E-Locks talking to anyone. This could mean one of two things; A) He's new in town and untouched by the DC Slags or B) Everyone in town but me already knows he's a maniac and should be avoided.

As soon as I started thinking about getting position, E-Locks threw his jacket on and jetted! The telepath in me could have sworn I heard him say, I'm so over these punks! I'm never coming back here! I would have taken pursuit but getting from one side of the Fireplace to the other is like trying to get from Alexandria to Capitol Hill at 8:30 in the morning. Next time...I'll be ready! There better BE a next time!

Moral of the story: HOLLAAAAAAAA!!!

Top Ten Reasons Not To Be On Adam4Adam

2004-12-06T13:57:00.000-05:00

Over the past six months or so, since I've become aware of its existance, Adam4Adam.com has not increased my dating prospects. In fact, it has rendered the whole city of DC and surrounding areas
UNDATEABLE.

It is most apparent that the webmaster of this virtual whorehouse is the Devil, himself. Something in the code seemingly draws out the evil in all who access it (except the truly pure, ie The LoveHater). There is nothing you can't show, or say on this site, and trust me, these fellows say and show it all. Dicks-a-slanging, asses-a-janglin'. It should be called Sodom.com.
But then again, Adam was the original sinner so, I guess the name is quite appropriate.

Now, I will admit that I am a bit of a Prude, but I don't believe that I am overreacting. You see, DC is a very small area and the amount of available GAY BLACKS is not as large as one would think. Not everyone goes out to gay specifice venues so internet makes many of these hidden brothers available. The sad part is that out of the 600 men online every night, a good 90% of them are on there with their goods showing (oddly enough, even those claiming to be looking for a relationship). And many of them are the same brothers you'll see out and about. Scary. Here's the list...

10. "Looking for certain "TYPES" can be very limiting. Understanding one another...[is] more important than having a certain "LOOK". A good partner will make you open your MIND!" Dating advice from CeverDC; ESCORT.

9. Looking for Friendship, Relationship, 1-on-1 Sex, 3some/Group Sex and Miscellaneous Fetishes

8. The "KidneyScraper"

7. The "PipeCleaner" (can we get these two to go clean out my folks' gutters?)

6. "I'm one of those dudes that just be chillen and knows how to have a good time w/other chill type dudes. I often like to chill and have a wild ass time."-FreakDude [Can you be so chill and have a wild ass time?]

5. "Wouldn't mind a fulfulling relationship. But, in the meantime, I love sucking d*** and getting f***ed. Holla!"-Bottomzup

4. A search of all US cities, with the criteria; black, bodybuilder and relationship, brought back only 147 results.

3. A search of all US cities, with the criteria; black, bodybuilder and bottom, brought back only 15 results.

2. "Yes i am wearing make up in the second pic and NO i dont usually make it a habit...it was strictly for this pic. -bxpipe [oh, yeah, right!]

...And the number one reason not to be on Adam4Adam...

1. INTERNET TOPS!

5 Minutes To Go...

2004-12-01T23:55:00.000-05:00

I've had a lot of fun today. In Elle's Garden, talking to ClayStarr, Le Cohabiteur, singing with the Fellas... Maybe that's why I didn't want to post anything about World AIDS Day, but with five minutes left in the day, and having read Intellifreak's post, I just had to. It reminded me of what I've lost.

I lost a wonderful man to the virus, Dannie. He was my first true partner. We were together for three years and very much in love. I have yet to meet a man who gave himself to me like he did. One who was willing to work through the rough spots as well as be around for the good times. Maybe its because he'd been married? He'd experienced true love and commitment before me, so he knew what the words I love you meant. Dannie lost his wife to the disease as well.

This thing is so preventable. Sure, we have to make compromises, do things differently, and sometimes do things in ways we'd rather not do them. Sex is so powerful. It will make you risk your life. People want to fuck the way they want to fuck so fucking bad they'd die doing it. Well guess what?

YOU CAN'T FUCK IF YOU'RE DEAD!

Sorry. I just got tired of beating around the bush [that goes out to all the DC nigmoes who think sex is a hobby!]

So if you haven't gotten yourself together, do it now. Start today. Find out your status, and for god's sake BE SAFE.

Dannie Leonard Copeland
March 20, 1967 - August 11, 1997

Late X-Pectations

2004-11-29T08:31:00.000-05:00

Last year I had the unfortunate pleasure of dating someone twelve years my junior. It's not something that I normally do, or was really into, but me and this ~~kid~~ man were really hitting it off. Our interaction began online (yeah, I know) in the form of me helping YungStuff with his thesis. From there we took it from the phone to the flesh when he visited DC that summer. That crashed and burned when I wouldn't commit after only after three weeks of real life dating.

Back in the old days, when you were done with somebody, you were done. None of this Let's be friends crap. You needed a good month of ignoring, snarling and badmouthing your X to get over the MF, feel good about yourself and get on with your life. But this one? Even though he saw fit to dump me, somehow he still needed me in his life.
Yippee for meee!

So now I get to hear about all the "great guys" YungStuff has met who makes him feel just like I did when we were together.
Yippee for meee!

There have been several instances where he's alluded to US again, but he'll quickly take it back. Just last week YungStuff said, "I wish I'd met you at this point in my life...now that I'm able to commit.". Funny thing is that whenever we make plans to hang out now, he always conveniently becomes entangled shortly before our meetings, and frankly, if I have to endure all of this, it would be nice to at least get some on the side! Neither the dates nor the booty ever comes through.

This was our most recent IM conversation:

Yungstuff: LoveHater!
Lovehater: Sup?
Yungstuff: Guess what? I'm in a relationship!!
Lovehater: [*sigh* again?] Just like that?
Youngstuff: I am sooo happy! It's someone I've known for 2.5 years!
Lovehater: I see....
Youngstuff: I went home with him for thanksgiving and it just happened
Lovehater: [is that anything like all the other guys you've gone home with?] What happened?
Youngstuff: He told me that he'd always loved me and we kissed
Lovehater: Cool! [does this mean you're going to leave me alone now?]
Youngstuff: You'd love him. He's 6'4" dark personal trainer
Lovehater: [Why, yes! Yes, I would love him. Give him my number] Nice!
Youngstuff: Well, I gotta go study. I just wanted to tell you that!
Lovehater: Ok. [thank's so much for stopping by!]

Let's see if our dinner plans on the 17th don't fall through.

I'm Naming Names...(Updated)

2004-11-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

Thank You, ANFANEE, for your conversation this morning. It wont about nuthin' really...I just love you, that's all.

Thank's, EJ, for taking the time out to share your music with us.

Thank you PRIIME, for all the favors, info, perks, assistance, support, friendship, fun, Thursday night online TV watching...you're the best friend anyone can have!

Thank you, CLAYSTARR, for handling me so well.

Thank's J, for being a cool guy and helping me out with the REAL LoveHater blog (soon to come)-and for brunch today (you too, LoverBoy!)

Thank you, CHRISTOPHER, for giving us your heart and soul.

Thank's, ROCKA, for inspiring me to tell my stories.

Thank you, MALIK, for being a strong, out, proud black gay man!

Thank you BERNIE, for your declaration of readership! That really meant a lot to me!

Thank you ADWOA, for your insightful comments! Keep'm coming!

Thank you KARSH, for your time and effort. It did not go unappreciated.

And thanks to BLUE, for stoppin' by...

Thanks, Yo'

2004-11-25T08:37:00.001-05:00

I would like to thank all of you who have embraced me in the blog community with your comments, suggestions, advice and compliments. I have had a pretty amazing year. Although I've had ups as well as downs, I can only look back on the good. The Creator has only begun to bestow me with greatness and Love.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
--THE LOVEHATER

What More Can I Say? Top ILLIN'

2004-11-23T01:10:00.000-05:00

BE SURE 2 PRESS

This weekend I had a date with a top.

I'm not a bottom, and to me, versatile does not mean I will forever be what you want or need me to be...in bed!

Some months ago I started chatting with this guy I came across online, Brutus. He lived nearby to where I currently stay, around my age, cute pic and had a decent career. I hit him up without noticing his sexual proclivity and we ended up hitting it off. It was one of those playful love/hate rapports. He got on me for being so proper and I, on him, for being crass. A match made in heaven!

After noticing which way Brutus swung, it put a damper on our online friendship and since he hadn't even asked me for my number after about a week, I disappeared thinking he wouldn't miss me.

About a week ago I spotted Brutus at the Delta Elite dancing his lil' self up a storm! He was somewhat lit, so I just observed him as he trotted about, doing his dance. This sighting prompted me to contact him (plus I wanted to tell him that I saw his booty crack when he was doing his floor exercise). Of course Brutus was mad that I didn't say hello and threatened my life if I did it again.

When I spotted Brutus on the dancefloor at the Bachelor's Mill, I rolled up and whispered my screen name in his ear. He looked at me confused for a second then grabbed me up and threw a few playful punches. Not many words were exchanged. Instead, I joined him in a dance. After showing off my best Sound Factory moves things became more intimate...

We: body to body head to head cheek to chest nibbling ears sucking on necks biting tummies pinching nipples tickling belly buttons backin' it up

Holding. Gripping. Feeling.

After completely drenching ourselves (and reportedly a few others) with each others sweat, we went our separate ways only to reunite for a spur of the moment movie date to see THE INCREDIBLES! He'd seen it already, but joined me for my first view. And there we were, in a theater in southern Maryland, at a "kiddie" movie, in the back row, cuddling, caressing, cooing and kissing. Even though I know Brutus' hardass exterior is just a smokescreen, it was so good getting some 'tender' from him. I was impressed.

Even after our backstreet goodnight kiss, Brutus informs me that we can only be boyz since I'm not a bottom. I have to admit, I didn't expect much more, but I had to see it through since it was he who was backin' it up on me!

Now, I know it takes all types, but, last time I checked the bylaws, backin' that thang up was not acceptable TOP behavior! Go figga.

We Go Deep; The Return of the Deep End

2004-11-21T13:08:00.000-05:00

BE SURE 2 PRESS

DC is many, many things.

To the world it is the Capitol of the United States. To the BLACK GAYS it is the freeek capitol of the community. To me, it's always been a place where people knew how to party.

I've lived in the New York area for most of my life and came out there waaay back in 19--you don't need to know all that, just know that I cut the ribbon at many a club, and closed the doors on just as many. The Garage, Better Days, Midtown 43, Tracks, The Octagon, The Sound Factory, Sound Factory Bar, The Warehouse and Lenox Lounge to name some of my favorites.

But DC on Memorial Day was a whole other level of "party." I think, on some level, that's why I moved here, but by the time I got here, The Mill and The Delta had become mundane. It was the same folks I'd seen on my visits from New York (and they're still holding it down). The DJs played okay, but it was the same song list. And when they are still playing "Let's Go, Let's Go" there is a problem.

About two years ago I got wind of a Wednesday night spot that played classic dance music. Not just house, but disco, club, R&B and anything to make you move. It was called THE DEEP END. Every week there was a different theme or artist; 70's Disco, Luther Vandross, 80's Chicago House, Grace Jones. And every week, Le Cohabiteur (prior to our cohabitation) and I were there sweating it out for two hours straight.

Resident jock and mastermind, DJ MANDRILL, must have the most extensive record collection in the world. I've heard songs there that I have not heard in almost 20 years! I have had moments on the dance floor. I have even been to the other side, that place you go when you are so lost in the music that you are no longer in control of your body. The music is making you move. You just don't get there at The Edge

But suddenly, the music stopped. The venue kicked DJ MANDRILL out because the kids weren't drinking or tipping. I mean, hell, it was a Wednesday night!? You can't stay out late and get tipsy! They tried a new spot but it wasn't the same. The location wasn't friendly, the venue did not have the same panache. It just didn't work.

THE DEEP END was like a family basement party. No meat market escapades or freaking on the dance floor (but you're welcome to if you like). People came to ~~dance~~ get down.

For months I have resigned to not dancing, but this week, DC got its life back and so did I! The DEEP END is back at it's original location and DJ MANDRILL is back on the wheels of steel. And to him I sing:

"You stepped into my life and I'm oh, so happy!"

Technical Update

2004-11-20T02:21:00.000-05:00

Just wanna tell you all that I am now accepting comments via HoloScan.com so no more annoying BlogSpot anonymous comments. You can be you and save your info just like the big boys! So if you read, COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT! Past comments can only be accessed by using the "Previous Posts" links on the right. Thanks! --The LoveHater

Premature Evacuation or Holla Interrupted

2004-11-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

As the drought continues, it was my plan to be as social as I could this weekend, despite a heavy workload. I figured I had it all sewn up since I'd been invited to a rather exclusive birthday party at the Melrose Hotel. Le Cohibiteur and I got into FCM [Full Celebrity Mode] and were on our way.

We were among the first to arrive, which was fine because I was hungry and could effectively dogg the hors d'eureves with little scrutiny. The evening progressed with music and fun, but no one there, or even at the Delta. later, tickled my fancy. So, I figured that was it for this weekend. Please try again in seven days.

Early Sunday morning, I get a call from Pretentious Grad School Student inviting me out to dinner at 6:30. Well you know the BLACK GAYS, he didn't get here 'til 8:30! As punishment I would make him take me to the Fireplace afterwards.

Everyone who has been there knows the Fireplace is not for the faint of heart-especially the upstairs where the BLACKS GAYS hang. It is beyond crowded. For those who haven't been, imagine trying to party on the Uptown A at 5pm from 34th St. to 178th St. Yeah, its like that, though, your friendly neighborhood LoveHater is a pro at navigating the place at this point.

Not long after arriving, I spied with my little eye a tasty Magilla. What is that, you may ask? You know, a brother that most people would probably say was ugly or gorilla looking. A big, hulking brother with broad features. I don't know if its their size or smooth dark skin, but something about them, for me, is quite hollerable.

PGSS, on the otherhand was not doing so well. He had the unbelievable misfortune of running into this dude he'd been thinking about just that evening; a missed opportunity that he was planning to revisit. Thing was, dude was there with his new beau. PGSS is the type that gets bothered by simply everything, so with dude there and the crowd in full swing, suffice to say, we were not there much longer.

While all of this was going on, I was still prepping my rap, or rather my angle 'cus the Kid don't roll up on folks with just a "Damn, you fine!" I had to abort the mission as PGSS led me on our way out, ironically right past Magilla. As I stumbled by him, Magilla asked, "Are you all right?" to which I replied the affirmative. If I'd been in Holla Mode, I'd have replied:

I'd be better if you gave me your number

but I was no longer in my right mind.

At The End Of A Pretend Love Affair

2004-11-15T01:09:00.000-05:00

< LoveHater SlowJam MixTape

We all have that one person who we think is our soulmate (if an unrequited lover could even be a candidate). He's the one you think about when you try to date someone else. He's the one that ruins it for that next guy. The one you just can't get over...over and over and over.

I have mine, just as I'm sure you do, 'cept mine is a little different
[Audience: Yeah, sure, whatever you say]
We haven't actually dated, really, but we've realized our physical attractions.
[Audience: What the hell did he say?]
We hunched. But that comes much later.

Like most men, especially the BLACK GAYS, my UNREQUITED LOVER is extremely self-conscious, which is why we never properly dated. He just couldn't take the pressures that came with dating. Was he smart enuf [certainly.], cute enuf [hells yeah], endowed enuf [for me!], buffed enuf [plenty.] Oh, and then there were those pesky emotions making everything all icky. That's what really took my URL over the edge and away from my heart.

For the past five years I have had my URL in my corner as a very dear and devoted friend. I've always felt that he had something for me, since every so often he would strongly allude to us doing the horizontal tango. However, he'd always back out when I'd agree, claiming he didn't want to "ruin the friendship". What he didn't know was that we were already platonic boyfriends, so why not take it to the max?

We've had our ups and downs, even some ins and outs, but this time I fear he's gone for good. After our hunch (it was lovely, btw) I decided, I'd finally received acknowledgment of his feelings. He was quite starry-eyed during the do, but let me know a hunch did not a relationship, make. So it was time to move on. And I did, still open to any leap of faith on his part.

I'm thinking I may have moved on a bit too far, because now, it seems my URL does not want to even be my platonic boyfriend anymore! When I called him on his absence I was told that it was merely a normal lapse in communication. I sent him a card for his birthday-a real one, not some funky e-cards. Still, nothing. We haven't communicated since...damn, July! Should I call him? Should I put an end to this madness?

What do you think I should do.

The Seven Month Drought

2004-11-12T01:31:00.000-05:00

Today marks seven long, cold, dry months since I did the do. The deed. Nookie. Knocked boots. What's worse is that in those seven months I've been to Atlanta twice and to New York three times, and hell, I live in DC, so its clearly ME. It's gotta be. Le Cohabiteur has no problem pulling when he goes out and he's all shy and introverted! Is that the look this year? To play coy? I've been quite fearless lately when it comes to stepping to guys. Maybe that's not what they want (from me at least!?).

I was in New York just this week. I stopped by my favorite bar, THE HANGAR to see what was to be seen. I spotted this lovely brother playing pool. He didn't look particularly young, but something about him said Not Yet 30. He was about 6'3" at about 190 pounds, short hair, moustache, and was jet black with island features. His body was incredible. Not in a Lee Haney kinda way, but in a natural "I grew up climbing coconut trees" kinda way. And the brother could play a decent game of pool. Everything about him said MY TYPE. Especially the way he paid me nooch.

For those who don't know that's an old New York term for, "he paid me no mind." The one time our eyes did pass each other he seemed as if he wanted to go flog himself for allowing our eyes to meet. I told my boy COOGI "He don't like me! He's not even looking this way!" COOGI responded with, "Are you that vain that you think every man wants you?" "I know everyone doesn't want me," I said, "But the way he's not looking at me...its just not natural!"

Meanwhile, all the WHITES were after me (speaking of unnatural). And why is it when the WHITES want to holler at us, they start these inane, insulting drunken conversations about race? Do they think talking about that shit is going to diffuse the racial tensions and make you want to plow them? And its never the Tom Welling type WHITES. It's the Mickey Rooney type WHITES

But seriously. Am I doing something that repels my type? Hell, am I repelling the BLACKS in general? The only brother I did get some time with ended up being a hustler. And even he ditched me for a Mickey.

Month 8.

Life In Hell

2004-11-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

10 Reasons Why The United States Is Bizzaro World

1. The U.S. can wage war on anyone at any time for no reason and end up profiting from it.

2. The Vice President doesn't know that AIDS is killing Black Women like crazy.

3. Anyone can buy an assault weapon.

4. I know people with college degrees who were unemployed most of 2004.

5. You can show bare breasts on "ER" but Janet Jackson can't show one of hers at a football game.

6. Supposedly there was a separation of church and state, but we're still making laws based on so-called "morals."

7. I can't love whomever I want without consequence.

8. There are children in this country starving.

9. A gay man could marry a gay woman and reap all the benefits of a "traditional" marriage.

10. Rednecks are running the country.

I Vote, Therefore, I LIVE!!

2004-11-02T18:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, I admit it. It's my fault that Bush is in office. I did not vote in the 2000 election. See, what had happin' wuz...

I'd JUST moved from New York City to Virginia, and was still getting acclimated. Before I knew it the deadline had passed and It was too late. I could have dashed up to New York to vote, I suppose, but that would have been a bit much.

But this year I went thru hell and high water to vote! As you know, Middle Child has not made good on fixing up that whip for me yet so I'm Metro bound still. I took the K-12 bus to Suitland Metro, got on the Green Line towards Greenbelt, transfered at L'Enfant Plaza, got the Yellow Line to The Pentagon, then caught the 7A bus to Alexandria, VA. Travel time: 2:00. Why you ask? ...Well, I sorta moved from VA to MD and didn't register again!

When I got there I had to go by Subway and get me a 6" roast beef on wheat with lettuce, cucumbers, carrots and a dash of oregano along with a bottle of water (see, I have a high metabolism and destabilize easily).

I get in and of course there's a little mayhem. Not much of a crowd though. My friend and former neighbor Hermit told me he waited two hours and they expected a longer wait in the afternoon. I got there at the best time because I was able to walk in and wait in the building. The confusion came with them splitting us up by letter; A-G, then H-Z, then calling the P-Z people out or the second line. This was all done in a narrow-ass corridor of an elementary school...while class was in session and rugrats ran through the halls.

When I got up to the table I found out that I, like a $100 book George Costanza brought into a Brittano's bathroom, am FLAGGED!

I knew what it was and exactly how to handle it.

See, what had happin wuz I vacated my digs in Alexandria anticipating a move to Los Angeles. However, I wont know about that until December. Still, my mail has to go somewhere so I had it forwarded to MD where I kinda sorta temporarily reside with the Cohabiteur. So, they escorted me to another table, got on the Batphone and after speaking with Alfred, Commissioner Gordon or whomever, I filled out a form and cast my ballot.

It had been sometime since the last time I voted so I felt pretty proud. I even sported that "I VOTED" sticker they were giving out! I saw some on the way but realized I was the only brother insight with one. I even wore it back home to the Hood, and on a bus FULL of our folk, I was on the only one who visibly voted. Hopefully, because of my displaying that sticker, the K-12 will be forever changed.

Man Of My Dreams: You Need A Car!

2004-11-01T21:58:00.000-05:00

...Or so it seems in DC.

Since Christopher David and Prime both blogged about cars, I figure I'd keep up the tradition!

Before I came here four years ago, I lived in New York City. Manhattan to be precise. Only the rich and foolish had vehicles in the city, I mean, it cost nearly $200 per month to park, which sounds expensive but you'd spend more than that on tickets alone! When I moved to beautiful Alexandria, Virginia the complex I lived in had 4 bus lines and express buses running right through it, and I worked from home! Grocery store, bank, CVS, even a bowling alley within walking distance! Dry cleaning valet was IN the damn building! Where did I need to go? I did go look at a 2000 Jetta, but man, we had tennis courts, swimming pools even a friggin 7-11 so I decided, Save that money. "No car for you!"

One day (way back then cus I certainly don't do this now) I was looking at guy's personals online and there was this dude. A good looking bro, tall, with a nice body, cute and versatile (yes, and in DC! Cus we all know tall cute guys with body here are all "tops!"). I was just about to reply to this brother when I noticed his disclaimer:

I am not a taxi. You must have your own car!

He went on and on about how tired brothers without rides were and how he would never ever ever consider holler'n at bro without one. Most likely cus HE lived all the way out in Laurel, MD! Not quite within the DC Metro area! Hmph, there wasn't even a nearby Metro stop!

I thought about it and for a minute I was going to respond anyway (with my cutest pic, of course) and tell bro that I was an entrepreneur, doin' my own thing, blah blah blah pump pump pump pump me up! Just sell myself so he'd be intrigued enough to drive all the way out to VA to chill with me!

[ Actually I have a car that MIDDLE CHILD has been "fixing up" for me for six months now. No, it's not that bad off, he's just trifling. That's what happens when your designation is 2 of 3. ]

But then I said, nah. If his Dream Man comes with a car, let him wait on that. I know I'm the shiznit. He'll probably holler at me when he sees me out in the club anyways and I'll tell him, "Sorry, I don't date men who are more than 15 miles outside the city!"

Musical Affections

2004-10-29T00:39:00.004-05:00

Anyone who has had contact with me in the past few months has heard me go on (and on) about this new brother in my life. This brother has given me gifts that I have never received ever before. He is deep. Prolific. He touches my soul in places previously undisturbed. He opens doors that I've had shut, releases the floodgates, letting my emotions rush through.

He affects me.

And I've only met him once. Tonight.

Tonight I went to see Eric Roberson in concert at Club Five in D.C.
I have been studying this man's ~~music~~ art for many weeks now. I listen to his two discs, The Vault Vol. 1.5, and Esoteric... constantly. No lie. All the time. Two and three times a day. Each. Pulling out lines like these from "Past Paradise":

I lay here at night | trying to shake the taste | of marathon kisses we used to share | Seems time can heal the mess that we made | though my heart reminisces when others appear | Shackled to the bed of past paradise | Nothing seems to be pleasing to my eyes | Ever since we ran out of words to say | Other kisses can no longer disguise | desires to revisit past paradise | I love you is the picture I still portray

Instead of lyrics in his CD insert, Eric gives you background on the session or the story behind the song. You can tell by the depths of his words that he is not just coming up with cute little ideas, he is living these songs-even if he hasn't actually experienced what's going on in the song. He's just that talented.

But he's just not a great songwriter, and he's written for the best; Musiq, Dwele, Will Downing, Jill Scott. He can hang with them vocally as well. Check out the vocal arrangement on "Find The Way":

How can I have you | and never really have you? | Least not like I want to | Your heart should not be shared | Or should not be compared to | to any other love that's there | That's just not fair | I'm down to lose you | for a chance to gain you | even if all i gain is the respect that you see in me | I'm willing to set you free | All I offer you is honesty | I mean that honestly

Too Close to move on | but trust me I intend to | thought I'm so deep in you | I hope I find my way | I hope you'll be okay holding on to just what i say while we're away | It's hard to leave you I feel like i breathe you | I look to survive | holding on to my dreams at night | that's the only time I hold you tight | waking up just don't feel right | Oh, it just ain't right

Eric Roberson live is a whole other experience. I had an opportunity to chat with Erro as he and the band made their way into the club (Look out Rocka! I, too am brushing with greatness) I told him that I was really looking forward to the show. He asked me if I had both CDs. Of course I did! I told him this was my first time seeing him live and he told me that it would be a fun show. He ain't lie!

E and his band are crazy! They took us through every musical genre from R&B to Rock, Gospel, Reggae and back again. The highlight was a Metal version of "Rock With You" (that segued into Outkast's "Hey Ya") where they ended up trashing the stage, turning over mic stands, drums and colliding bass and guitar, leaving them humming on the ground. Once they got themselves together, Eric apologized for getting carried away. A young lady in the audience yelled "Do it again!" We would have loved it.

Eric has a very amicable stage presence and humble demeanor. He's obviously not trying to be a star. He is doing what he does best: communicate musically.

The Vault, overall is sexy, dark, longing, yearning. You hear cuts like "Please Don't Leave Me" and think "where have I heard that before?" and you realize, "In my own heart...and mind." Most of us have fallen for someone before really getting to know them, and it feels so good to just let your heart go, but at the same time its terrifying. You don't know how that person feels, or what they'll end up doing to you. But you go with it.

Esoteric... has a slightly different feel to it starting out. Eric lets his hip-hop roots run wild in "4U" (and let me tell you, this brother can freestyle with the best of them, you hear me? His soundcheck was off the hook!) but brings back the yearning in "Funny Feelings" and "New Born Child". "Runaway" makes you wanna drop the top and take a drive down the GW Parkway with your boo (Pacific Coast Highway or Westside Highway will do). The melody just makes you wanna smile, look in your baby's eyes and blow a kiss:

Girl | No need to runaway | from what your heart just feels inside | Girl | show you a brighter day | to a tender night | Jus dont runaway | baby whatever the cost | personal loss | or previous scars that have an affect on you | But I feel that falling in love is letting go of | all that was and landing with something so new | girl my arms are open | hope you got me hopin' you land on me yeah | and my kisses could pause | your waterfalls | open those doors | and now in a whole different view

:::::::::Mmmwah::::::::::

46 Years and Counting...

2004-10-24T16:29:00.001-05:00

I just got home from visiting my parents. They have been together for 46 years and have known each other probably ten years more. It ain't been easy, I can attest to that just from being an innocent by-stander. Sometimes not so innocent. There have been enough times where I've been forced to take sides (and sometimes voluntarily), jump in front of flying shoes, pots, pans, and rolling pins, etc. But through it all they have stayed together.

My folks are not the lovey-dovey, kissy, huggy type-at least not with each other. They are more than able to pour affection upon their kids (at least me, I'm the "Baby") but not so much with each other. To the outsider looking in, one might even think that they loathe each other. Sometimes, I wonder myself!

I'm sure I'm not the only offspring who wonders this, but like my siblings, I am not prepared to hear an unfavorable response to the question, "are ya'll still (were you ever) in love?" I mean, waaay back in the 50's and down south, black folk weren't marrying 'cause they'd found their soulmate, it was your momma's way of getting you up out her house! And in a desperate effort to not turn into my parents, I remain singular, waiting for my match, not taking any shorts and I'm honestly fine with that (the thing that gets to me is looking at what I have to choose from these days).

It doesn't take a shrink to figure out that my once incessant desire to be in blissful love is directly related to my folks' blase relationship. I grew up watching Lucy & Ricky, Rob & Laura and Mike & Carol (thank GOD they slept in the same bed!) kiss and coo and wanted that for myself, and my folks for that matter. But that was TV. I guess Clair & Cliff were the only black folks on TV their age engaging in PDA's but they didn't hit the screen until 1984. Perhaps if Julia had a man, my folks would have been more affectionate?

So here's to my folks: Together Forever. August 25, 1958 -

Word Association

2004-10-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

Last night I was back at the Reel Affirmations Film Festival here in DC and saw an excellent film, BROTHER TO BROTHER. Make sure you check it out if it comes to a film fest near you.

Afterwards, there was the usual schmoozing of the professionally gay, as my friend CLAYSTARR and I call them. A good acquaintance of mine asked me where my "boyfriend" was. I get that a lot, but here in DC that is a loaded and never ending question.

The strange part was the first answer that came to my head, which was "deceased."

For those who don't know me, my first real partner died in 1997. We'd been broken up for two years, but we remained the closest friends until he passed away. His ongoing love is what got me through two years of my next loveless 3-year relationship. He was the only man who wasn't afraid to love me, despite his flaws and insecurities. Since then, almost everyone who's gotten close to me has been so afraid of my "readiness" when it comes to being in an open, honest, healthy relationship. I guess those two experiences spanning from ages 24-31 primed me for my thirties when most brothers are still getting it together on the 'love front.' Personally, I don't know many couples here—just one, but that's a business arrangement at this point. The one's I hear about are riddled with infidelity.

When I thought about all this in bed the irony came to me. Is the notion of a boyfriend in this community dead?

X Factor

2004-10-20T00:11:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went to see the hilariously funny THE SKI TRIP by Maurice Jamal, as seen on Chapelle's Show. It was pretty good. I'd rather hang out with them than the folks in Noah's Arc. Okay I'm just being nasty now. Anyway's I saw my X there. He's not talking to me right now and I find that pretty hilarious as well.

See, some time ago, he took me to dinner for my birthday and all he talked about was this self-inventory he was taking, asking all his friends how he could be a better him. I didn't feel like submitting my report on him since it WAS supposed to be my birthday, not some breakthrough therapy session for him, but he was paying...I think?!

Now, lemme tell ya'll a lil about my X. He can be a loving, caring, big hearted, giant teddy bear. He's a 6'3," 230 pound, big, bald, black ni@@a—like the one's all'em gay black authors write about *heh-heh* But often he can be a nasty, selfish, mean bastard (and that's not even why we didn't work out)! So you can understand why he's getting these critiques from his peeps. Someone in his crew is always getting tired of his $hit and dropping the friendship. Our thing is that he doesn't want to believe that I am no longer interested in him. Nor does he believe that I am still single. For some reason he's dying to know who my next ni@@a will be. He also swears that I cannot stand his new boyfriend who does not phase me in the least.

Last winter, his birthday landed on club night at the Lizard Lounge and I forgot all about it. Now, weeks prior he told me that he was going to have a party, but I got no invite. He probably decided not to invite me because of that made up animosity with the new BF. So, I see him in the club and walked up to greet him. Mr. Mean gets in my face, and sarcastically says "Thanks for calling me on my birthday!" with his most twisted up 'I smell shit' face. Not to be outdone, I came back with "Thanks for inviting me to your birthday party!" then trotted off victoriously.

A few weeks later his punk a$$ had the nerve to email me (not call, like a damn MAN) and get after ME about being nasty! I was like "You got what you gave for once. You are always nasty to everyone," and I proceeded to give him that personal inventory he was looking for six months prior. Sure, it was a bit late but there's no statute of limitations on self-improvement. Still, he has not been happy with me after that. I've tried to speak to him since but he's being a big, bald, black, baby.

My First Post

2004-10-18T02:06:00.000-05:00

Hello. I am the LoveHater. People ask me all the time, "do you really hate love?" They wonder if I'm that brother they need to stay away from. The one that gets you all wrapped up and then drops you when things get serious. The one who promises, "yeah, I'll call you." The one who doesn't spend the night after you've given him your everything...

Nah, that's not me. I love being in love! It's my dream to share my life with someone from now through all eternity! To wake up and smile knowing someone adores me as much as I adore them. To open my eyes and see someone lying there, right in next to me. To have that person who's touch brings me to life...

Confused? "So why the moniker?" you ask. Well, let's just say:
- It takes a fool, to learn that Love don't love nobody.

I've been in love, a time or two...or three...but somehow, it never works out. They don't love me back. They are unable to love me back. They're lovin' someone else. They're no longer on this earth....

So you see, Love for me ain't been no crystal stair. So instead of being bitter toward the next one, and completely sabotage any hopes of love, I take it out on Love instead.

Greetings. I am The LoveHater. Hater of Love...

Hit it, Andre3000....